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* * * * * *
When Monday finally rolled around I was disappointed. As much as I liked the idea of getting back to work, it was the end of my time with Matt. I felt like I was somehow feeding off him, his smiles and touches the only things that were keeping me going. But we had to do this. He assured me that there had been nothing more in the papers about me, although Ben’s confession was still big news. There had even been some other guy come forward with a kiss and tell that made what I had told Matt about Ben’s endowment pale by comparison. I almost felt bad for him, because he was pretty good in bed, if a little too much into a routine that he liked so there was never any variety.
I wondered how Matt would be with other people, and it proved to be a revelation. He actually spoke to people, willingly. He didn’t stray far from my side at first, but as he had scenes with others he moved away and spoke to them. I could almost see the disbelief on their faces, but soon they were basking in him paying them attention, and I understood why they relished it, even if I was a little jealous that this side to him wasn’t just for me to see. Somehow our week together and my meltdown had really helped him too, and I was proud of my part in it.
We got through a full run-through, only the occasional line forgotten (not by me), the odd person or prop out of place, and the dance even going well, the director obviously impressed by my improvement. I thought I heard a slight snigger when Matt and I did the kiss, but we made it light but still passionate and he seemed more relaxed after the practice and now that we were not alone for it. I even managed to keep myself under control knowing that we had an audience and he felt nothing.
Afterwards, the directors and techs had a meeting to work out various things and to discuss what needed to be changed, and the rest of us grabbed some sandwiches and drinks that had been put out for us. I kept glancing over to Matt, noticing he was sitting with two of the dancers, cautiously joining in with their conversation. He seemed to keep looking at me for reassurance, and I smiled. He really was doing well. My eyes were still on him when one of the other actors sidled up to me.
“Just wanted to say well done. It’s obvious getting laid suits him, wish we’d known before now. Not that he didn’t have offers.”
I tore my eyes off Matt, not quite sure of what I was hearing. “It’s not like that,” I replied.
“Sure it isn’t. You two go off and hole up for a week, and he comes back with a total personality transplant. I guess I’m just a bit jealous, and I’m not the only one, but it’s good to see you both so happy.”
I started to try and deny it again, but he was already walking away and I wasn’t going to shout after him to explain I wasn’t sleeping with Matt. Everyone seemed to like this new side of him, and if they thought I was the reason, I was, just not how they were thinking. I saw how people flocked to him now that they could see his true nature, and it made me happy that he was doing this, but still sad that I couldn’t have him all to myself. It was too selfish a thought though, everyone deserved to know how great Matt was and he needed to be able to do this.
I really knew it was the end of everything when Matt drove me home after work. My car had got clamped, and the director promised to sort it out for me but I was reliant on Matt again. I liked this time alone with him, but this time he was driving me to my home, not to his.
“I thought we’d see if the coast is clear at yours. If not, you’re welcome to stay at mine again.”
I made some sound of agreement, even though my heart was breaking. I started to wish there would still be people camped on my doorstep, but there weren’t. They obviously had got bored. I didn’t want to be alone in there right now though.
“Will you come in for a bit? I don’t want to be alone just yet.”
He agreed readily, and I led the way into the house. There was a pile of post and notes behind the door. I picked it up, noticing one that was a request for me to call and an offer of money to tell my story, and I wanted to throw it all back out. I handed the pile to Matt.
“Can you look through and bin all the rubbish? I don’t need to look at it.”
He nodded and followed me to the kitchen, starting to check as he went. I got some glasses out as he continued to sort, a couple of bank statements onto the side and a couple of notes straight into the bin. I watched his face as he did it, glad he was dealing with this and not me, because even he was pulling faces at what some of them said. He drew in a sharp breath at one and shoved it into the bin very quickly, looking up to see if I had noticed.
“Homophobic crap,” he explained.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I just thought they’d be from the papers.”
“Most of them are. You could make a fortune, if you were happy selling your soul.”
I smiled. “Yeah, but my self-respect is important to me. I’d be no better than him if I did.”
He looked annoyed. “You’d still be a lot better than him.”
I didn’t know what to say to that so I busied myself finding escort ataköy something to drink. I knew one thing, I didn’t want him to leave because while he was still with me none of the rest of it was real. I noticed my answerphone was indicating I had about 50 messages, and I knew I couldn’t deal with that alone either. I could have just asked, but I felt nervous he would refuse, so I decided on the cowards way out. Get him drunk enough he couldn’t drive home.
“Glass of wine?” I asked, and was grateful when he agreed. He’d had a hard day as well, and I was still surprised he’d been able to let his walls down so easily.
We ordered pizza, there not being much in my flat that could be cooked right now. I usually had a good supply of fresh food, but after a week it wasn’t looking very appealing. So we ended up sat on my sofa, drinking wine and eating with our fingers. Most of the bottle of wine had gone, so there was no way he was going home now unless he called a cab which would be stupidly expensive. I wondered if he guessed that I needed him to stay and was just making it seem like it was my idea. Conversation was just as easy tonight as any time in the previous week. I really wondered how I was going to cope when this was over and he went back to his though.
After a while, and a good three quarters of the wine emptied out, we settled into a comfortable silence, and I put the tv on in the background. I could feel the effects of the wine and felt pleasantly buzzed. I was just thinking it might be a good time to listen to those messages when he started to talk again.
“I want to say thanks. I’ve really appreciated the last week and it’s made a huge difference to me.”
I looked at him slightly surprised. “Shouldn’t I be telling you that? I’ve had a tough time and you’ve been there for me, beyond the call of duty seeing as we didn’t really know one another before this.”
“I’ve been happy too. It made me realise that letting people into my life isn’t a bad thing. It was so much fun at work today, talking to people and being part of it again.”
“From what I could see you did really well, and everyone loved it.”
“I think I shocked a fair few people to be honest.”
“Definitely, but only in a good way. However, it’s only fair to tell you they have their own theories on what has brought you out of your shell.”
“I know. I got my first clue when someone told me you must be great in bed!”
My mouth fell open in surprise, that he had been told that and that he had repeated it to me, but I also blushed.
“Shame you had to deny it. It wouldn’t hurt to have that reputation!”
“I didn’t deny it, but I didn’t confirm it either. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, but why would you want them to keep thinking that’s what is going on?”
I was actually glad he hadn’t told them we weren’t together, and that the guy hadn’t believed me, purely for the selfish reason that it meant no-one else would try and work their way into his affections, but I didn’t understand what he got out of it. He was deep in thought, and I wondered if he was about to disclose some secret.
“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, I’ll tell them the truth if you want.”
“It’s okay, honestly. Anyway, I tried telling someone the truth and he didn’t believe me. I was more worried that you would find it uncomfortable.”
He swallowed hard. I was going to get some sort of confession.
“No, it kind of makes me feel safe. I was always really friendly and such a pretty boy that I got loads of offers, but very few I wanted to take up. When I first moved here I was very naïve and people took advantage of that and my friendly nature. The only time people stopped hitting on me, well so much, was when I was in a relationship. He ended up… well, let’s just say he took advantage worse than anyone before. When I got out of that I wasn’t the same. I see how people look at me, like when we were in the club the other week, and I found the only way to stop them was to be unapproachable, even rude. Today, everyone was happy to talk to me, but no-one tried it on, because they thought I was with you. Does that make any sense?”
“Yes, it does. If you want them to keep thinking that’s what we are, I don’t mind. Not if I can see you as happy as you were today.”
“I don’t want to cramp your style.”
I laughed at that. He was the only one I wanted, and if I wasn’t going to have that it wouldn’t matter what people thought. I told a bit of a white lie.
“Believe me, there is no style to cramp. I’m not looking. I have everything I need. Since I left Ben I’ve not even considered a relationship that could be real, because it would take an awful lot for me to let someone get that close again, emotionally or physically.”
“So you don’t mind a pretend boyfriend?” he said, smiling.
“No, but I’m sure your therapist would have something to say about this.”
“Screw her. I reckon I can distract her enough with the fact I’ve spoken to some people.”
“I’m glad I’ve been able to help.”
“Yeah, me too. It was getting kind of lonely.”
I had to hug escort taksim him then, but I kept my hands off anywhere sensitive, and he didn’t complain or draw back from me. I wasn’t sure if being comfortable with touching each other was good or bad, but as far as I could see aside from my frustration, which I was starting to get under control, it was helping both of us.
“You ready to hold my hand while I clear the phone messages?” I asked as I broke the hug.
I meant it metaphorically, but as I stood up he came with me and put his hand into mine. I gave it a friendly squeeze and smiled at him to thank him for his help, then pushed the button. I was pretty quick to delete most of them, not even bothering to listen past who they were and which paper. I shook and deleted faster when it was a message from Ben. I’d stopped answering my mobile to him, so he’d obviously decided to go for another option. I didn’t even know how he had got the number, but he’d called several times. Only the call from my sister was actually welcome, and I’d spoken to her since she’d left it, having to reassure her that I was doing okay and apologise for not telling her what had happened.
I breathed a sigh of relief when the last one was gone. It was late now and I was tired, but I had to sort Matt out first.
“Come on, we need to make the spare bed up for you.”
I found some sheets in a drawer and handed them to him. They were a bright blue that matched his eyes and I had to stop myself from picturing him lying in the bed, naked. I guessed I was going to keep having thoughts like that for some time about my ‘boyfriend’, but I was going to do my best to avoid thinking of him that way. Once the bed was made I left him to sort himself out, closing the door and not wondering what he looked like as he stripped. Well, not much.
I started to get ready for bed myself, when the doorbell rang. I was distracted with thoughts of Matt, else I’d probably have thought a lot more about opening it. I don’t know who I expected to be there, but Ben would have been bottom of my list, both on who might have come round and who I wanted it to be. Somehow, I felt surprisingly calm, but I made it pretty clear I didn’t want him there.
“What are you doing here. I thought I told you to leave me alone.”
“Did you get my messages? I keep apologising but you haven’t got back to me.”
“I haven’t been here, and I’ve just deleted all of them. I don’t want anything to do with you, and if you don’t leave I’ll call the police.”
“I love you Aaron. I’m so sorry for what happened, but I need you.”
I felt like I was about to explode at that point, all the calm leaving me in a rush. How dare he turn up here and expect me to go back to him? I might have started shouting then, but Ben’s eyes darted to something behind me, and a moment later I felt a warm body wrap around mine from behind and there was a sultry voice in my ear.
“Come back to bed baby,” Matt murmured, loud enough to make sure Ben heard him.
Matt couldn’t see my face, but Ben could, and for once I didn’t try and pretend this wasn’t affecting me. I let Ben see my smile and the lust blazing in my eyes at the contact and the soft words. I half turned my head and placed a soft kiss on Matt’s forehead.
“I’ll be there in a second.”
The arms disentangled themselves from around my torso, and I turned totally to watch Matt walk back upstairs. He had no top on, obviously half way through getting changed, and I took in the sight of his toned back and the line of his spine, particularly enjoying the dip at his lower back just above the trousers he had on that I would quite willingly have torn off him right then and there so I could worship his tight ass.
When I turned back, Ben had noticed it too, but he was more intent on me. He looked sad, and to be honest I was past caring if that little display had hurt him. It might have been acting, at least on Matt’s part, but it obviously looked convincing. My eyes challenged Ben to say something.
“Sorry,” he offered, starting to walk away. I closed the door immediately, not needing to see whether he looked back. I made sure if he did he’d see my outline through the glass, heading up the stairs with speed. If only I really was doing that to make love with the half-dressed angel he’d seen. Turning the corner towards the rooms, I ran straight into Matt who had been waiting and probably listening. I grabbed hold of him as some sort of anchor as I started shaking.
“Why is it every time I think I’m getting myself together he turns up and fucks with my life again?” I asked, not really thinking there was a good answer. Matt just gave me a hug, so he obviously didn’t have one.
“Hopefully that will be the last time.”
“That would be good. Thanks for helping out there.”
“I thought if you were doing me a favour by pretending to be my boyfriend when I needed it, it was the least I could do.”
“I actually think he was upset to see I had someone else. I’m glad about that, it means he really does care about me and want me back.”
I felt Matt stiffen, and I wasn’t sure escort etiler what the problem was.
“You’re not seriously considering going back to him?” he asked cautiously.
“Of course not. I’m just taking a little pleasure in the fact that he’s really trying and I can hurt him this time. It’s wrong of me to be pleased he’s upset, but I am. Does that make me a bad person?”
“No, it doesn’t. It’s not surprising to want to get some revenge, trust me. Are you okay now, because I’m shattered.”
“I’ll be okay. Thank you so much.”
He hugged me and kissed me quickly on the cheek before going into his room. I wanted to drag him into mine and not let him go. I wanted a warm body beside me again, and his teasing words and actions earlier weren’t helping me be good right then. He was still my fantasy man, and the reality of him, even what we had, was going to have to be enough.
* * * * * *
Somehow, over the following days, we settled into a routine. The spare rooms were permanently set up at both our houses, and either we stayed at his or at mine. I spent more time apart from him at work than anywhere else because we were together all evening. Our work colleagues laughed and joked about it, and we didn’t let on that at the end of the night we were always heading to separate beds. Aside from that, we honestly could have been dating, we were so close. I loved every moment of it, and aside from the recurring dreams I had about us, I was just enjoying having a relationship again, even if it wasn’t quite what I pictured. And I still got to kiss him a couple of times a day, even if it was during rehearsals.
We had a further two weeks before the play opened, and rehearsals intensified. I couldn’t even guess how many times I had been through the lines and the moves, making sure everything was going to be just right, not only what we were doing on stage but the lighting, sound and props. All of us felt the anticipation building, and Matt and I spent every night talking about it until we headed to bed. Even that became earlier and earlier because we were so tired. I missed having quite so much time with him, but I was always asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I rarely had time to think about him or the strange situation we had ended up in.
A few days before opening and we were into dress rehearsals. I was glad I’d been shattered every evening, because the outfit they put him in for the dance routine was practically scandalous. It was supposed to be the fantasy of my character given that he was secretly in love with Matt’s. I think the costume designer had seen some of my real fantasies. Given he was straight, it couldn’t have been his own. He had a waistcoat on, but it was open and there was nothing underneath it, so every movement in the dance showed his six pack off perfectly. The trousers might as well have been painted on, and even with the little extra room in front it was still possible to see the outline of his cock and balls. Well, it was if you couldn’t stop staring, and I was finding it very difficult not to look.
I was surprised that Matt wasn’t in the least self-conscious. He had a great body, but he didn’t seem to like attention normally. It was just something about being on stage that loosened him up. I think that was the only place he had been himself in a long time, although that was an odd thing to say as he had always been playing a character or dancing, but he seemed at home somehow.
When Matt came bouncing up to me at the end of the run-through, excited at how it had gone and still dressed in that outfit, I nearly moaned. All his attention was on me and I couldn’t look like I wanted. It was another of those moments when I wondered what I had got myself into, especially when I saw the amused grins of one or two of the others. They knew exactly what I was thinking, and they were probably thinking something similar. He had no idea what he was doing to us all. I was thankful that no-one gave him any lingering glances, but that was only because they all thought he was dating me. Little did they know, it was just as hard for me to see that and not be able to touch him.
I was a lot more comfortable when we got home, to his place this time, and he was back in normal clothes. That way it was a lot easier not to see him as some sort of sex object. His high after the show had worn off and he was yawning as we sat and watched a film together. I found myself unable to follow it, partly because of my own tiredness, but more because Matt was leaning against me, his feet up to the side and his body close to mine as his head rested on my shoulder. It should have been really cosy, but it was making my temperature rise after my thoughts earlier today.
His yawns increased in frequency and he snuggled further into me. The teddy bear idea came back to me with a vengeance, because all I was being was a pillow. I didn’t really mind, it was just another one of those moments when he was so comfortable with me he didn’t realise the effect his closeness had. Eventually he lay down, saying he wanted to watch the rest of the film before bed, and in his new position he really was using me as a pillow as he rested his head on my thigh. I shifted position, making sure he would not come into contact with my dick, because he was not entirely resting right now. Matt’s head in my lap was not going to help that situation either.
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