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I thoroughly enjoy reading stories posted on this site especially those regarding gay first timers, romance and M2M raw sex. It has inspired me to share with you the story of my own awakening so to speak. I hope you enjoy my ramblings.

Just a bit of background about myself. Present day finds me a 47 year old man, happily married with two grown children. I consider myself bisexual and over the years I have enjoyed multiple NSA affairs with others of my gender. However, I would like to take you all back to when I discovered that I was bisexual and who it was that opened the door with me.. I still look back on those days, and hot night, with great fondness and I still vividly recall my first bi/gay experiences with Brad. It seems just like yesterday……

I was born and raised on a farm in east central Kansas. Dialing back to the timeframe of my story, I was 18 years old, full of life and ever inquisitive. School was out for the summer and I was ready to make money, have some adventures and get into a little mischief along the way. Self described I was your typical country boy, in most respects. Hard working, conservative upbringing, Catholic and based on that background you would figure me to be your run of the mill red blooded midwestern lad. But I was much more than that. Much, much more as I would find out as I came to know myself better that long, hot summer.

I was a sturdy young man, 5’10” 175 lbs and a body honed by years of farm labor, sports and from just being an active young man. I had short blonde hair, blue eyes and 7 inches swinging. Shoulders were broad, stomach flat and I had an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. Büyükesat Escort I was a model student, thriving in the classroom, and in whatever sport I participated in. I also was deeply involved in high school choir and theatre, which was something that most local boys my age did not do. I was extreme outgoing and by virtue of my personality and diverse interests I knew no strangers and was not part of any particular clique. I had been elected STUCO president for the up coming school year as well. I well liked and respected by jocks, nerds, those like me and even the stoners. I never lacked for female attention but only had one serious girlfriend throughout high school.

My social life was very active as an outgoing 18 year old. When I was not in school, involved in school related activities or working on the farm I was enjoying time with my friends, my girlfriend and family. I was constantly on the go. Never a dull moment or downtime—mine was a very happy existence for the most part. However, there was a secret I was dealing with that I was trying to understand and come to grips with.

My issue were feelings and desires that I could not explain or fully understand at the time. Looking back, I know now that I was experiencing a crossroads in my sexuality. I cannot say for sure when it started but I can say with certainty now that I had begun “noticing” other boys and men with sexual thoughts in mind. It was a confusing time. In the locker room at school, where once I could walk by naked teammates without a second glance, but I found myself stealing secretive glances at their Elvankent Escort cocks and admiring their tight, muscled asses on display in front of me. Was I feelings of attraction? I would go home and feel totally disgusted with myself and try to push the images from my mind.

I kept telling myself there was nothing wrong with me, I had a serious girlfriend and the feelings would pass, but they did not. During my many sleepless nights, all I could envision were those hard bodies, tight asses….and those cocks. Over and over I found myself jerking off with those images in my head, imagining myself doing things that were completely foreign to me at the time but were so erotic and arousing. Afterwards, I would always agonize over what I had done but there was no helping myself. My only thought was, if I fantasizing about this, did it make me a fag, a queer, a degenerate? What I was doing, even in thought, was counter to how I was raised and was not acceptable on any level. I knew would be ostracized not only by my friends but likely my family if I acted on the impulses I was feeling.

Needless to say, I was in total denial mode about what I was experiencing but found myself going down that same rabbit hole almost every night. My mind would stray against my will. My cock would become instantly hard at the thought of touching another man’s naked body, imagining the heat as our bodies pressed together, touching an engorged cock and yes….wondering what it would taste like if I were to take it into my mouth. The delicious feeling when I closed my eyes imagining a man’s lip sliding Beşevler Escort up and down my own rock hard shaft. There was even curiosity about fucking another guy’s tight ass or being on the receiving end. Would it be similar to fucking my girlfriend? I remember vividly the headiness and indescribable lust I felt each and every time—my only release from the torture was when my cum sprayed across my stomach and chest. The ecstasy of the moment was always followed by guilt and self loathing. I repeatedly told myself that I was going through a phase and it would pass but you know the answer……I craved it more and despite the guilt I knew I would experience I only yearned to make my fantasies a reality.

I was at my wits end. There was no one to turn to for advice. No one that I felt would understand what I was going through. Also, there was no other boys, or men, I knew that I might hook up with in order to end this torture. My two year relationship with my girlfriend was suffering and I found it hard to look people in the eye for fear they would see through me and know my secret. My solution was to push myself to the limit every day in hopes I might get some release from the double edged sword I was wielding—-my lust and my self disgust for feeling that lust. Little did I know that I had a understanding person closer to me than I could ever imagine. Someone who had, and still was wielding the very same sword as myself—–enter Brad K……my savior, friend and my first male lover.

Again, I had just wrapped up school at the end of my junior year and was set to spend my summer days working on my uncles’ farm. God how I miss those days! I was informed by my uncles, though, that they would not need me quite as much as past summers as their own boys were coming of age to be of more help. They recommended that I ask their neighbor Brad if he could use a hand on his place. I immediately drove over to his farm, walked into his shop, asked if he had a place for me and the rest is history.

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