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I walk out on the porch to enjoy the star-lit evening with my wife. I am not prepared for what greets me.To say my wife has angry eyes at this moment is the understatement of the year.“What’s wrong?” I ask, surprised by her expression.“Just go away!” she yells.“What the hell, Kira? What has happened? I just gave you a great massage and now I come out and you look like you hate me?”“I saw you,” you spit.“Saw me? What does that mean?” I ask trying to comprehend what has happened to drastically change her mood.“In the bathroom, just minutes ago.”Oh, fuck. I thought I saw something in the window right before I came – it was my wife.“You just have to make me feel bad, don’t you?” she yells, glaring at me, with hurt creeping into her face.“I am not making you feel anything! I thought that was a private moment between me and myself. So, now I am not supposed to masturbate either. My wife won’t make love with me so I literally take matters into my own hands, and now you are pissed about that. I have really tried to give you whatever it is you need on this trip, and I can’t win!” I say storming back into the treehouse, slamming the door behind me.What the fuck? I can’t do this. I stalk into the bedroom and yank a pillow and blanket from the Anadolu yakası escort bayan bed and return to the living room to settle in on the couch where I guess I will sleep. I have tried to be patient and understanding, but I have needs too. Fuck it!I toss and turn and eventually drift off, but I awaken in the darkness to sounds of sobbing. I roll over and Kira is sitting on the floor, with her head on the couch sobbing. She appears so fragile and broken at this moment, all my anger melts away. I reach down and pull my wife into my lap, hugging her.“Shhhhh. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” I whisper in her ear.“No, it’s not. I hate myself. I am so sorry,” she whimpers amidst tears.“Just talk to me. Please talk to me. Whatever is wrong, you have to talk to me. Even if you tell me you just don’t love me anymore, just tell me, please,” I beg, lifting her face to look me in the eyes.“Don’t love you? Of course, I love you,” she says before collapsing on my shoulder crying.I stroke her hair and hold her, not knowing what else to do.Her crying slows and she lifts her head to face me again.“Please tell me,” I beg again.“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel so tired all the time. I feel Escort Kurtköy like I can’t take care of everything. I feel unable to move sometimes with the weight on me. And the thought of sex – it feels like just one more chore I have to get done.”Ouch! I’m trying to keep my sensitive male ego intact but it is hard.“A chore? I thought you enjoyed sex with me?”“I do … did. I used to love making love for hours with you – couldn’t wait for it. Now, I just think about all the things I am behind on and should be doing and can’t relax and get into it at all. I feel like I would need to rush through it once we started. I can’t clear my head of the kids, work, the house.”“You don’t even want to kiss me anymore though? You stopped sleeping naked,” I ask.“I would love kissing you, but kissing leads to sex, and I just can’t get into it. I want to hold you, kiss you, snuggle with you, but then the thought of sex enters my mind. I can’t explain why sex feels so exhausting to me now. I just can’t. And you stopped kissing me too.”“I stopped kissing you because it leads to you rejecting me and pushing me away. It hurts, Kira. I can’t take subjecting myself to constant rejection and am actually afraid to touch you Maltepe escort now. I feel like I am walking on eggshells, and can’t touch my own wife.”“You started getting really mad when I didn’t feel like having sex.””You started getting really mad when I asked for sex.”We both look at each other desperately trying to understand.“You didn’t explain anything to me, Kira. And I became afraid – afraid we would stop making love altogether. I am not going anywhere, though. I won’t leave you because of the lack of sex.” I take hold over her face and repeat, “I will never leave you.”“I have been afraid you would leave or cheat. I feel so guilty and mad at myself, denying you. It makes me withdraw more from you, seeing how I am hurting you.”“It is okay, Kira. I can take care of my own sexual needs.” I don’t want to, but will if that is all I have.She lays her head back on my chest, tears falling again.“What are we going to do?” she asks sobbing.“We know this place we are in isn’t working – for either of us,” I say quietly.I hold her on my lap for what seems like hours. We are both afraid to let go – afraid we won’t get this moment back. While rocking her, massaging her back, she finally quiets. My mind has been spinning, searching the depths of my soul for a solution. I think I have some ideas.“We will figure this out. If I love you and you love me, we can fix this. We have to have some kind of physical connection, Kira. We have to. For now, what if I promise that a kiss is just a kiss, a touch is just a touch, with no pressures of sex? Can we just try?”

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